Grief Support for Caregivers
Taking Care Of Yourself -- Caregivers
In caring for ourselves we need to identify those activities which are healing to us, as well as those areas that may hinder our healing, and cope with each appropriately.
• give yourself permission, time, and space to grieve
• don't pretend death doesn't hurt
• feel free to protest the "why" of the death
• don't judge your level of grief and healing by how others are grieving and healing, but by your own internal awareness
• understand and accept your limitations
• respect the grieving method and timetable of others
• don't escape into loneliness
• get rid of imagined guilt and "if onlys"
• laughter doesn't mean you are being disrespectful to the child's memory
• confront the fears of your death and the death of other loved ones
• cry
• honestly express your feelings about this death to people who will understand and not be judgmental, and who will not be hurt by your honest expression of feelings
• eat nutritiously, consider using a vitamin supplement
• not crying doesn't mean you don't remember
• it is fine to either enjoy being around other people's babies, or to be uncomfortable
• exercise to improve sleep
• set small goals
• accept others' verbal, non-verbal, and physical expressions of caring for you
• postpone major decisions, such as selling your home or changing jobs
• take a break from intensity and exposure to pain
• consider participation in support groups; grief shared can be grief diminished
• avoid masking the pain with drugs or alcohol
• give yourself permission to backslide
• recognize that seeking professional counseling doesn't mean you are weak, inadequate, or crazy
• use religion, philosophy, poetry, music, art, gardening, tennis, walks at nature centers, reading, volunteer work, etc. to gain relief and understanding
• accept your friends with all their imperfections and occasional bad advice; you, too, have your moments of imperfection
• tell others what you want from them -- help, emotional support, time-sharing
• continue to participate in activities that are fun for you and with people who are special to you; don't underestimate the effects of small pleasures
• recognize you may not always want to talk about the baby; sometimes there is great relief being where no one knows what you’re going through
• realize you cannot prevent, cure, or skip the grief process -- the only way OUT is THROUGH
The above is a compilation of excerpts of articles by the following:
"Caring for the Caregiver", Barbara Swenson, RN, MN
"What Do We Need During Grief?", Judith Herr, MSW
"Ten Guidelines for Dealing With Grief", TCF, Austin, TX
(excerpts reprinted with permission of authors)
In caring for ourselves we need to identify those activities which are healing to us, as well as those areas that may hinder our healing, and cope with each appropriately.
• give yourself permission, time, and space to grieve
• don't pretend death doesn't hurt
• feel free to protest the "why" of the death
• don't judge your level of grief and healing by how others are grieving and healing, but by your own internal awareness
• understand and accept your limitations
• respect the grieving method and timetable of others
• don't escape into loneliness
• get rid of imagined guilt and "if onlys"
• laughter doesn't mean you are being disrespectful to the child's memory
• confront the fears of your death and the death of other loved ones
• cry
• honestly express your feelings about this death to people who will understand and not be judgmental, and who will not be hurt by your honest expression of feelings
• eat nutritiously, consider using a vitamin supplement
• not crying doesn't mean you don't remember
• it is fine to either enjoy being around other people's babies, or to be uncomfortable
• exercise to improve sleep
• set small goals
• accept others' verbal, non-verbal, and physical expressions of caring for you
• postpone major decisions, such as selling your home or changing jobs
• take a break from intensity and exposure to pain
• consider participation in support groups; grief shared can be grief diminished
• avoid masking the pain with drugs or alcohol
• give yourself permission to backslide
• recognize that seeking professional counseling doesn't mean you are weak, inadequate, or crazy
• use religion, philosophy, poetry, music, art, gardening, tennis, walks at nature centers, reading, volunteer work, etc. to gain relief and understanding
• accept your friends with all their imperfections and occasional bad advice; you, too, have your moments of imperfection
• tell others what you want from them -- help, emotional support, time-sharing
• continue to participate in activities that are fun for you and with people who are special to you; don't underestimate the effects of small pleasures
• recognize you may not always want to talk about the baby; sometimes there is great relief being where no one knows what you’re going through
• realize you cannot prevent, cure, or skip the grief process -- the only way OUT is THROUGH
The above is a compilation of excerpts of articles by the following:
"Caring for the Caregiver", Barbara Swenson, RN, MN
"What Do We Need During Grief?", Judith Herr, MSW
"Ten Guidelines for Dealing With Grief", TCF, Austin, TX
(excerpts reprinted with permission of authors)
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